The Truth Hurts

The Truth Hurts

When I first arrived in Ghana, I was with two other female volunteers. Two of us were working with gender and the other working with child rights. Before we started our placements we did some training and had some gender chats. We discussed how vulnerable women are and how easy it is for women to become oppressed and remain silent. We also discussed how it even happens to us in Canada- it is not just something that happens in the developing world. Each and everyday somebody falls silent because they are forced to believe they have no right to speak out. Everyday women fall into the trap of being oppressed by the men in their lives. It has happened to many people, and it has happened to me.

I didn’t notice it until now- but I fell into the trap. I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, but I became vulnerable and I became oppressed. Damongo is a patrilineal, male-dominated society where the men have very aggressive opinions and attitudes. They often think they are above the women- a lot of it has to do with who makes the larger income. I got to experience this first hand- unfortunately. I work in an office with two people- my boss who is a female and another coworker who is a male- both are from Ghana. I have noticed a huge gender issue in my workplace- which is ironic considering I work in the Girls Education Unit, promoting gender equality.

Lately I have found myself reflecting on my internship and have found something shocking about my workplace and myself. I am a victim of gender discrimination. I have many opinions about development and how to achieve gender equality, but my male coworker often- if not always- disagrees. But he doesn’t just disagree, he interrogates me. My ideas are constantly shut down and my opinions are rarely heard. Through this, I have become silent. I fear saying what I want to say and I am awfully uncomfortable in my workplace. I fear being constantly rejected and being treated as somebody of lower status (because I am a woman). I didn’t notice it until recently when I was reading a book on the emancipation of women- realizing that I too was one of the women described in the book. My status, even as a foreigner, is below the men in my town- simply because I am a girl. My opinion is not valued and my expertise is not wanted. I have little to no say in what gets done and because my thoughts are constantly shut down- I no longer have the confidence to speak up.

To be quite honest, it is a really sad truth. And to be more honest- it hurts. I am here to promote gender and I, myself, am falling into the trap? But how did I end up working with somebody who makes me feel this way. (Side note: he is also here to promote gender equality…). I don’t know when it happened or how I fell into this trap, but I am incredibly disappointed and hurt. How am I to overcome this? For starters, if I speak up and say my opinion matters I will be accused of being western and imposing my western views on them (which has happened before). But how am I to put my opinions in place if I am not comfortable expressing them? It has been an incredible challenge that I have absolutely no idea how to go about dealing with it. Because it simply isn’t anything I can do. Of course I have a confidence problem- but more importantly I think it brings up the issues of gender and how it is not one sided. Although I need to be more confident and stand strong, it is important that the men are educated on how to treat women equally- beginning with how to speak to women! I think it is so important to educate the men on gender issues and how to treat women appropriately. Of course this will take an incredibly long time- especially in a male-dominated society like Damongo.

It is safe to say that I have been feeling rather dull lately and almost disappointed for allowing myself to become so vulnerable. Truth be told, it took me a long time to notice it.

I started to notice it during the Child Rights Workshop… oh boy, I mine as well share the story now- I’ve been hiding it for a month now… so here we go.

We put on a Child Rights Workshop and one of the topics discussed was child abuse. Child abuse is huge in the schools in Damongo- teachers often cane the students (hit them with a stick) as a form of punishment. On the first day, my male coworker told the teachers that it was okay to cane the student so long as the punishment suits the crime. I later asked my female boss what she thought and she disagreed and said they should never hit a student- yet she didn’t speak up. Perhaps she too is fearful of his male-dominant attitude and aggressive tone. I then asked the chief of the Commission on Human Rights and Administrative Justice (CHRAJ) if he thought it was okay and he also said no, you should never cane a child. Yet nobody spoke up!

The next day we did the same workshop with community members. We were going through child abuse and again, my male coworker began to speak out. I wanted to stop him before he said it was okay to cane a child so I (mildly) interrupted him. He put his hand up to my face and said “no.” So I tried again and he said “no” and continued talking. I looked at my female boss and said “Madam, really?” and I left the front floor and went to sit on my chair by the side of the room. My female boss started to interrupt the man and said that I have something to say- by this point I was holding back tears and refused to talk. I couldn’t handle it anymore, I turned to my boss and burst into tears and grabbed her to pull her out of the room. Yep, I cried… in front of 65 community members. I continued to cry in my boss’ arms, followed by a horrible anxiety attack. She took me to the office where we called my friend to come meet me- thank goodness for good friends! It wasn’t until then that people started to express their opinions to me about my male coworker. So you mean I’m not the only one having problems with him? So why isn’t anybody saying anything? It is when people remain silent that problems arise and get even worse.

Later that day I received a call- from my male coworker. Here I thought, oh maybe an apology? Nope. He called to ask if I was going to visit a Girls Club. Are you kidding me! You have the nerve to call me after that. The reality of it is that he had (and still has) absolutely no idea what he did wrong. It’s unbelievable.

Another way I started to notice my vulnerability was when the chief of CHRAJ was talking about bullying and ways to recognize it. He mentioned that a sign of bullying was when an individual purposely avoids certain people. And I was doing just that. I wanted to avoid this man at every possible moment- which proved to be quite difficult considering we work in the same office. But other than work, I choose not to associate with him other than exchanging greetings.

The reality of it is, I am being oppressed and verbally/mentally abused in my workplace. I mean, its not nearly as bad as it sounds, but it is still an important issue to be raised. I will most certainly use this as a learning experience and will not hold back on sharing this story. Women and girls need to understand and more importantly, need to recognize when they are being abused and oppressed.

I have learnt a number of things while being in Ghana- most of them frustrating. But this one, this one if more painful than anything. With time I will overcome it and use it as a way to promote gender equality. As for right now, I am eager to come home and have incredible talks with my friends and family about development and the issues I have encountered. Already I have had so much support and advice given to me, it is unbelievable! It has helped me get through so much and certainly keeps me motivated.

So I want to extend a huge thank you to all of my friends and family (especially those who wrote notes- they keep me going!!). I cannot wait to see you all in just 18 days!!

Lots of Love,

Bianca

Takeaway Lessons:

                  -   Gender is NOT one-sided: we must educate the men!

                 -   Don’t keep silent about things that matter: the less you say the worse it is

                 -   Women’s status can be raised through income-generating activities

                 -   Abuse is NOT a cultural thing, no matter what people say