Contradicting Paradoxes

Hello!

So it is safe to say I am feeling so much better (I had malaria for a few days) and am safe and sound back in my little town of Damongo. I traveled to Kumasi (in the Ashanti region of Ghana- more central) and then to Busua (in the Western region- very south by the ocean) so I have not been blogging and for that I apologize! (There might be a blog on that soon- stay tuned)

I have had a rough week, mainly because I was sick and therefore incredibly home sick but also because I am coming to terms with the realities of my internship. Before I left for my internship, we had some pre-departure training that discussed paradoxes that may occur during your internship. Well I find the paradoxes to be difficult to relate to and often contradicting. So here it goes...

Realizing that I only have two weeks left in my actual placement up north before heading back to the city for my end of mandate reporting is really scary. I feel like the time flew by and in a way, I have done (close to) nothing...

Some of the paradoxes we discussed in school are the following:

Its all about you but its not about you

In reality, my internship has been completely about me. I pretty much did absolutely no work and had no impact in my workplace at all. I had little to no contributions and to be honest, I am quite disappointed. On a positive note, my internship has been entirely about me and has been a huge learning experience. I have learnt so much about how the government works (or doesn't work) and about the issues in rural areas. So in that sense I am satisfied and have learnt a lot, but in reality- my internship was solely about me. I find this to be fairly upsetting and I know there is nothing I can do about it. I spoke with my boss from WUSC and she simply said just do what you can, you leave soon. Quite inspiring right? But the problems don't necessarily lie with WUSC, but with my actual workplace itself- and how incredibly inefficient and unmotivated my coworkers are. There is, however, a huge belief that short-term interns are only here to learn- which I think is really wrong and really - in a way- rude. It is almost as though they disvalue short-term interns. I have traveled and worked in many countries and I am a third year development student, surely I can bring something! I am not just here to learn, I am (or was) here to work. Unfortunately this has left me incredibly unmotivated and feeling very unvalued.. which leads me to my next paradox...

You get out of it what you put into it

Unfortunately I realized this a bit too late. While the entire month of January was spent doing next to nothing, I was still trying to adapt to the new culture and way of life in the north. By the time I realized that I get out of it what I put into it... I felt as though it was too late. There is so much that needs to be done to improve the system that it would take a long time, and I only have two weeks left. Similarly, a lot of my coworkers don't agree with what I have to say and I feel very uncomfortable discussing problems with them because they (particularly one man) often ignores my opinion and continuously argue everything I have to say. It has been really hard to deal with and has left me, again, unmotivated. Which is quite sad because I came into my internship incredibly upbeat and so excited to work. But the slow pace and lack of motivation in my workplace has left me to be the same- unmotivated and discouraged.

You're wanted but not needed:

I find this to be the completely opposite. I am not sure if I am completely here because a "foreigner looks good" but I am certainly not wanted. I have never been put to work, despite constantly asking for something to do. However, I am definitely needed. The system I work in is incredibly broken and, in my opinion, they need me. I feel like since they have been working within the broken system for so long that they actually don't see it as a problem anymore. But since I came in from the outside, the problems have been incredibly clear to me. However, they still refuse to use me despite the fact that I am needed. It also doesn't help that my opinions don't seem to matter to much in my workplace... which has been incredibly frustrating considering I didn't travel halfway across the world to do nothing and feel unvalued/disrespected...

This is not to sound super negative or like I am not enjoying my internship- and I certainly don't regret it. Just simply that it is not at all what I expected and is in fact everything I didn't expect. But that is okay, although it came as a surprise the amount of things I have learnt has been so incredible. I can't even begin to explain it! Things that I wouldn't have been able to learn in class or on 10 day humanitarian trip, and for that I am so thankful for this experience! So two weeks left of this learning experience before I head to Kumasi/Accra for my end-of-mandate reporting and then... back home!!!

Miss you all
Lots of Love!

Bianca